Troubled Tresses

A girl walks into college, a group of friends give her dirty looks and whisper among themselves, “why doesn’t anyone tell her?”. She walks into her classroom and her professor suddenly stops what he’s doing, looks at her, crinkles his nose and thinks to himself, “why doesn’t anyone tell her?”. The girl sits alone and dejected at the foot of a staircase and wonders about everyone’s reactions when suddenly, a voice above says, “Do you know what everyone wants to tell you? Your hair stinks! Use XYZ Perfume for Hair and see the difference!”.  “Guaranteed to leave your hair smelling like fresh daisies, XYZ hair perfume will ensure that the next time you step into college, the college stud will be hanging on your arm.”

This is an advertisement I saw on TV last night. Yes, perfume for hair. Whoever thought of that! Like there weren’t enough products for hair already, some genius now invented hair perfume!

In the earlier days, people used just two things- coconut oil and shikakai.  But in the present world, it’s just impossible to keep track of the number of products available which all promise to leave your hair shiny, silky, long, black, dandruff-free, voluminous, frizz-free and what not.

Let’s start with hair oil. It’s “obviously” not enough to use just plain old Parachute Coconut oil anymore. The rage these days are herbal oils, jasmine-scented oil, amla-infused oil, almond oil and even olive hair oil! And then there’s the “thanda thanda” range of oils too, which leave you feeling calm and cool-headed.

Next is the whole wide world of shampoos. When I was a kid, there was just one shampoo bottle at home that everyone would use. But as I started growing up, the TV and magazines convinced me that everyone’s hair is different and different hair needs different shampoo! From getting rid of dandruff (disclaimer: visible flakes only), to reducing hair fall (disclaimer: hair fall due to breakage only), shampoos can now seemingly do anything! Aishwarya Rai said L’Oreal Total Repair would solve five problems and would make your hair stronger and silkier. Since I like Mrs Rai, I actually spent Rs150 on the said shampoo and used it religiously for a few months. Result? No result. My hair was the same, absolutely the same.

Ok, so it’s not enough to shampoo your hair. You HAVE to condition it. Each shampoo comes along with its specific type of conditioner. To go a step further, the beauticians at the hair salon will tell you that your hair requires deep-conditioning. “See madam, it is so rough and dry. I think you should go for the hair spa. We will do head massage and then give deep conditioning treatment. It’s only 800Rs madam. You do it every week and see the difference!” Hmmm... 800 rupees every week? I don’t think so. Not even if I win a lottery.

Your hair, regardless of what condition it is in, also requires a leave-in conditioner. You can pay exorbitant prices for 100ml of a magical potion (which I think is just pure H2O in a fancy bottle) that claim to leave your hair strands as soft as a newborn’s.

While previously coloring or dyeing of hair was only for those at the onset of middle age, now everyone has to color their hair. There are loads of shades available with names like “Cherry Mahogany”, “Electric Blue”, “Flaming Red” and “Ebony Black”, among others. When my dad’s hair started graying, my sister told him very strictly not to use Godrej Hair Powder; “Daddy, even Ajji and Ajja don’t use Godrej, how can you? You have to use Garnier!”. Dad blissfully ignored her and simply let his hair go gray.

There’s yet another territory filled with hair mousses and hair gels. Hair mousse for the ladies, gel for the men. Many guy friends spend ages in front of a mirror, gel in one hand, and comb in another. And mousse? I thought it was something only ramp models used, until I went for a friend’s wedding recently and saw her beautician apply copious amounts of it onto my friend’s unsuspecting head.

There is also a whole planet out there of devices for hair care such as curlers, straighteners, irons, tongs, ordinary dryers, blow dryers, two-in-ones and multi purpose stylers. And then there are devices for daily use, like wide-toothed comb, fine-toothed comb and brush. 

With all this and more, poor hair! After years and years of continuous product overuse, it’s no wonder that your hair refuses to cooperate with you. You end of losing hair strands in hundreds and then a doctor will advise you to get yet another product, hair growth serum! They tell you to apply this two times a day for the rest of your life and all your hair worries will stop! Yeah, right.

Sigh. One head, so many products, such a HUGE business. Where does one draw the line?